Readings for Proper 14:
Ephesians 4:25-5:2
August 13, 2006
The Rev. Karen Siegfriedt
St. Jude the Apostle Episcopal Church, Cupertino, CA
“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger … Put away from you all bitterness, wrath, anger, arguing, slander, and ill will, and be kind to one another.” [Eph. 4]
If you look around this campus as well as in my patio, you will find a lot of weeds that look like clover. This clover can take over a lawn in no time and is very hard to extract on a permanent basis. This is because it has a very deep root. If while weeding you attempt to quickly pull out the weed, you will notice that the clover breaks off and the root remains in the soil. Unless the entire root is extracted, the weed will come back and continue to breed its off-springs. The harder the soil, the more difficult it is to remove the root of the weed.
I often compare the emotion of anger to the clover weed: It seems to pop up everywhere and it is hard to extract from our lives. While there are many techniques to manage anger, getting to the root of anger is much more difficult, especially if the heart is hardened or deeply wounded. What I would like to talk about today is rooting out anger in our lives. I will use today’s reading from Ephesians as my text.
Paul (or a disciple of Paul) wrote a general letter to Christians in the first century. The Church in Ephesus was regarded as its first recipient. Ephesus was a large seaport city in the Roman province of Asia Minor, now called Turkey. It was a commercial and religious center where Paul worked for an extended period of time. If you attended our recent bible study on Colossians, you will notice that there are many similarities between the two letters. The theme of this letter is the unity of the Church based on the belief that Christ is the unifying principle in the cosmos and thus in the Church. Christians (and eventually all people) are called to place themselves under the direction of this powerful spirit/principle. When this happens, a cosmic peace is established, as all things and all people are reconciled to God and thus to one another. Allowing this spirit of Christ to direct one’s body, mind, and soul, creates a new being. By dying to our “old self” or “false self,” we become a person of light, “a fragrant offering” to God.
As we humbly submit ourselves to this new way of being in the world, we begin to live a new life of love. What does this new life of love look like? How will we know if we are living it? In today’s reading from Ephesians, the author offers some concrete, ethical advice that Christians are called to integrate into their relationships. This list of ethical advice is not exhaustive but it is very important. In order to live a life of love and to contribute to the integrity and stability of the community, there needs to be truthfulness, forgiveness, honesty, generosity, and edifying speech. There is no room for wrath, anger, slandering, arguing, and ill will in this new life of love.
So what do we do with our anger when we become afraid or when someone deeply hurts us or when we are disappointed with the trials and tribulations of everyday life? There are two basic ways of dealing with anger. One is to manage anger and the other is to try to root out anger. Let’s take a look at both ways. There are a lot of helpful techniques to manage anger. The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and physiological arousal that anger creates in you. Because we can’t control other people, places, or things, we need to focus on what we can do within ourselves to deal with our hurt and frustration. There are many strategies* to keep anger at bay:
- Utilizing relaxation techniques to calm down feelings of anger (e.g. breathing deeply, using imagery, yoga like relaxation exercises).
- Changing the way you think about being frustrated by replacing irrational thoughts with more rational ones. Also, remembering that whatever is angering you is not the end of the world.
- Reminding yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. It will only make you feel worse. People tend to distant themselves from angry people rather than try to help them.
- Learning to engage in problem solving so that you can address difficult problems as they arise.
- Learning to communicate better and to slow down and think through your responses in a heated discussion.
- Using humor to help defuse rage.
- Changing your environment that gives you cause for irritation and fury.
- Going to counseling if you feel that your anger in out of control.
These techniques are very helpful in managing anger and are good first steps in preventing us from lashing out and destroying relationships. However, becoming a new person in Christ, calls us to move beyond management to transformation. This means that we need to go deeper and deal with the root of our anger rather than to be satisfied with simply managing it. Many of us continue to have “anger wounds” rooted in us by those who have wronged us or by life’s many challenges. If we do not heal these “anger wounds”, we will cling to the resentment of having been done wrong and will carry the festering residue of our anger and rage in our hearts forever. What are we to do? Let’s take a look at today’s reading from Ephesians and see what God might be advising us to do about rooting out anger.
“Put away from you all bitterness, wrath, anger, arguing, slander… and ill will, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” [Eph. 4:31]
1. “Forgive one another.” One of the most effective means of rooting out anger in our personal relationships is to forgive others. To forgive means to let go of the injustices of the past by refusing to carry around the painful and debilitating grudges for the rest of your life. To forgive is an act we do on our own behalf and does not require the cooperation of others. We forgive because we want to heal, because we want to get rid of the poisonous feelings of resentment. Unresolved anger poisons our relationships with our friends and loved one and even spoils our relationship with ourselves. Unresolved anger from the past tends to produce more anger in the future. That is why we pray most often: “Forgive us this day as we forgive those who sin against us!”
2. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted.” Another way to root out anger is to be kind and tenderhearted in our relationships with one another. Many people are wounded, unconscious, overwhelmed, and have low self-esteem. As a result, they have the potential to hurt and disappoint us. In our baptismal covenant we are called to “seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbor as ourselves.” This can be a hard thing to do, especially if we cannot accept people as they are. I remember going camping with a friend of mine many years ago. Our campsite was next to a large group of twenty year olds who were having a big party. They were laughing and joking and singing and playing guitars and drinking and eating and having a great time. My first take was: Gee, isn’t it great that these people enjoy life so much. And then went about my business, putting up the tent. But my friend had a different take on the situation. She saw this group of young people as being disruptive, rude, inconsiderate, and noisy. Before long, she was overcome with anger, ruining her camping trip. Today’s reading encourages us to err on the side of kindness and accept people with all their warts and failings; not only for their benefit but so that our joy may be complete.
3. “Be imitators of God and live in love.” At the core of Christianity is a lifestyle of love; not a list of doctrines that we have to believe in. This lifestyle of love begins with the conviction that we are not at the center of the universe (God is) and that we are called to serve others. Once we accept this reality, we are more able to put aside our preferences, our passions, and desires, and then focus on how we can serve others. Once we accept this reality, then it becomes easier to fully enter into the sphere of Christ, the sphere of love, where we become “a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” This means that when we are hurt and disappointed, we don’t wallow in our feelings of dejection which can easily move us into anger. Instead of becoming hooked by disappointment and frustrated goals, we think about how we can become a healer, an icon of light, to serve those who are in the midst of darkness.
If you meet anger with anger, violence is the result. Anger is contagious. Anger is a disease. Anger that is not mitigated or forgiven can lead to darkness and depression. The consequence of anger is inner blindness. When we are angry, we perceive information poorly and then project it back in a distorted way. That is why the author of Ephesians warns the 1st C Christians not to let the sun go down on their anger.
One of the ways I work to root out anger in my own life is to pray the prayer found on the cover of Forward Day by Day. Please turn to the insert in your bulletin and let us say this prayer together:
“O God: Give me strength to live another day. Let me not turn coward before its difficulties or prove recreant to its duties. Let me not lose faith in other people. Keep me sweet and sound of heart, in spite of ingratitude, treachery, or meanness. Preserve me from minding little stings or giving them. Help me to keep my heart clean, and to live so honestly and fearlessly that no outward failure can dishearten me or take away the joy of conscious integrity; Open wide the eyes of my soul that I may see good in all things. Grant me this day some new vision of thy truth. Inspire me with the spirit of joy and gladness; and make me the cup of strength to suffering souls; in the name of the strong Deliverer, our only Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. ”
(* strategies from www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html)
| Updated 8/13/06 |
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