Readings
for Epiphany 3:
Jeremiah 3:21-4:2; Psalm 130; I Cor. 7:17-23;
Mark 1:14-20
January 22, 2006
The Rev. Mary B. Blessing
St. Jude the Apostle Episcopal Church, Cupertino,
CA
“For there is forgiveness with you….” Psalm 130:3
The Psalmist tells us, in the midst of a lament, “there is forgiveness with you”—out of the depths of the darkness of chaos and confusion, ancient Judaism understood that a sincere cry to God for mercy would be met with the Lord’s forgiveness.
This morning Dr. Fred Luskin is here to speak at our education hour, once again, on forgiveness. The “Forgiveness Project” at Stanford places emphasis on sociologic and psychological testing regarding the process of offering and receiving forgiveness. The results are clear: forgiveness as a human practice brings about a sense of physical and emotional well-being. Today Dr. Luskin speaks to us about “Couple’s Forgiveness.” As in the past he tells of the importance of learning how to be forgiving in your closest, most intimate relationships. It is there that you will have the most effect-- changing yourself and those around you. Forget trying to be an activist for “world peace”, he says, if you cannot begin with creating peace, love and harmony in your closest relationships.
We are still in the season of Epiphany, when we are asked to consider how Christ is made manifest in our lives. Today, in harmony with our Adult Forum, I’m going to talk about forgiveness, a topic usually reserved for Lent. In a past talk, Dr. Luskin said “psychology is the laboratory for forgiveness; the religious life is the source of the injunction to do it.” (St. Jude’s Adult Forum, 2003) Forgiveness is rooted deeply in Judeo-Christian tradition. Asking for and offering forgiveness is a daily spiritual process--a process that allows us to make Christ manifest in our lives each and every day, if we take it seriously. Practicing forgiveness in small, every day ways, prepares us for those times when, sadly, something really big comes along, and we need to know how to forgive.
Judaism and Christianity share the belief that God is the one who offers forgiveness. Psychology and human behavior show us there are personal choices and actions that we as human beings can do to enter into the forgiveness process, but, our faith says God is the source of forgiveness. We cannot do it alone. Our faith tells us that the purpose of forgiveness is to bring about healing, wholeness, and peace. Dr. Luskin agrees that the purpose of forgiveness is to bring peace. Peace within yourself; peace in your relationships; peace with the people you love. I believe forgiveness is one of the essential means by which we fulfill the mission of the church. Forgiveness restores us to unity with God and each other through Christ.
Even before Jesus showed us the way, imbedded in our tradition is a forgiveness process. Moses’ law to the Hebrews called for an annual Jewish fast, “The Day of Atonement”, commonly known as Yom Kippur. The purpose of this fast is for people to ask for God’s forgiveness for sins they committed in the prior year, to re-establish good relations between God and God’s people. Judaism of Jesus’ day stressed a perception of unworthiness and sinfulness and claimed that God alone can forgive humans (Philo, Vit Mos 2.147, Anchor Bible Dict. v.II, p. 843). It was believed that along with forgiveness came health; and God did the healing. When some Jewish authorities heard Jesus offer forgiveness of sins and then healed those who received forgiveness, those authorities were threatened. They accused Jesus of blasphemy. For this, they had him executed.
There are many different views on the significance of Jesus’ death upon the cross. I don’t know what you may believe about the significance of that event, but for me, Jesus’ death upon the cross holds tremendous spiritual power, tremendous healing. For me, it is an inspiration for us all. As we witness his willingness to ask God to forgive even those who harm him so needlessly, we can been encouraged to ask God to forgive those we have difficulty forgiving. We do this not because we condone the act for which we need to offer forgiveness, but because we wish to have our lives and the lives of others brought into wholeness. We do this out of love. We do it for peace, for ourselves and others.
Most of you are familiar with the story of my brother who died when I was 15. While a medical student, he fell into a deep depression, and took his own life. This is a tragedy I would not want any family to endure. Believe me, from that day forward my family faced many opportunities to choose to engage in a forgiveness process, or not. By the grace of God, and many years of therapy, my life is becoming whole. But there was one aspect of forgiveness that truly had me spiritually trapped for many years. I share this with you now as a witness to the power of Christ’s forgiveness, which offered healing in my life. I share this so that you may be encouraged to seek Christ’s forgiveness in your life—and Christ may be made manifest once again.
There was much blame and guilt thrust around my family following the initial shock of my brother’s death. But I actually found it possible to do a variety of “forgiveness” processes that helped. Maybe saying the “Our Father” prayer each week prepared me. Maybe the practice of forgiving in small ways came into play. Ultimately, I didn’t hold anyone but my brother responsible for his death. Certainly there were many things we all could have done differently, and with what the world knows today, we would have done things differently. But, in the end, he made a choice—one that caused great suffering. Thankfully, with God at the center of my life, I was able to forgive my brother.
However, something happened soon after his death that caused me secondary suffering, for which I held a family member responsible. I was left in the care of someone who harmed me, yet I never told my family because I didn’t want to upset things further. Instead, I spent over 15 years of my life angry and upset, unwilling to forgive the one who harmed me and the ones who left me in the care of the one who harmed me. I stuffed it and tried to forget it, but it ate away at my soul.
The pain and anguish of holding back, not forgiving others caused me great suffering in all future intimate relationships. Later, my dear husband was patient and kind, but I know it hurt him to see me suffer, and I could not even tell him why I suffered. I’m sure I expected him to make me feel better, but he didn’t even know what was wrong. As much as I knew he loved me, he couldn’t make this pain go away. It wasn’t until we were raising our daughters that I realized I needed to get in touch with what was bothering me, or I would pass on this inappropriate pain and anguish, which our children did not deserve. Finally I began some very important inner work that led me to eventually go to an Episcopal priest for confession. Strangely, I wanted to be forgiven for my anger, but soon came to realize I needed to offer forgiveness just as I asked for forgiveness.
In one case, I found that in my head I wanted to forgive, but my heart was unable to offer forgiveness. I just couldn’t muster up the courage from my own “ego strength”. After much prayer, kneeling before Christ crucified, it finally occurred to me that even Jesus, while dying on the cross, asked God, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:24) The moment I offered up this prayer, an enormous burden was lifted from my heart. I was filled with an inner peace. I received a spiritual healing that gave me courage to forgive the others, face-to-face and in person. It turns out, they were also eager and willing to say they were sorry, to complete this forgiveness process, allowing us all to grow closer to each other, and to God.
Forgiveness is at the heart of the Good News of Jesus Christ. When asked how to pray, Jesus added, “forgive, as you have been forgiven.” Let us not just say the prayer, let us, with courage, do the prayer. Let us forgive, with God as our source.
For, as the psalmist says, with God, there is forgiveness.
AMEN
| Updated 1/31/06 |
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