Reading for Lent
1B: Mark 1:9-13
March 9, 2003
The Rev. Karen Siegfriedt
St. Jude the Apostle Episcopal Church, Cupertino,
CA
In the earlier stages of life, a child needs four things in order to experience the world as a safe place. These four requirements are: security, affection, self-esteem, and power. If any of these needs are not met, a frustrated emotion arises. For instance, if a parent does not have enough time to pick up the baby on a regular basis, (whether it is because there are too many other children or because of a heavy work load or because the parent is sick), the baby perceives a lack of affection which turns into a frustrated emotion. Over time, these frustrated emotions are recorded in the unconscious and conglomerate into energy centers. In order to compensate for the frustrated emotions, the unconscious mind develops Programs for Happiness (PFH). Of course, these PFH can never produce real happiness since they are based on frustrated emotional needs rather than rational needs. Unfortunately, people make choices based on satisfying these PFH rather than what is best for them in the long run. For instance, many people marry the wrong person. They often look for someone whom they think will take care of him or her, thinking this will satisfy all the unmet emotional needs of the past. The more people are controlled by these PFH, the more difficult it is for them to hear the call of God. God longs for us to have an abundant life; not a life based on needy emotions.
The spiritual journey is about dealing with these strong emotional centers and dismantling those false PFH in favor of the gospel. One of the ways to clean out these frustrated emotions from the past is through contemplative prayer. This is an unconscious process of letting go of past hurts by quieting the mind and letting go. If you want to know more about this spiritual discipline, we have a contemplative prayer group that meets here twice/month. But what I would like to focus on today, is the conscious process of mindful thinking as a means of becoming aware of our thoughts that try to implement false PFH. In particular, I want to talk about thoughts relating to food.
In today's gospel, Jesus is driven into the wilderness for forty days where he is tempted by Satan. For some folks, language about Satan is passe or even silly. However, if you can get your mind past the image of a silly little red creature, you will realize that in much of Scripture, Satan is simply the symbol for temptation and testing. If you have ever been on a silent retreat for more than one week (without books, TV, or human company), you have probably come face to face with your deeper thoughts and raw emotions. Add fasting to the retreat and an additional three weeks, and you may begin to experience delusional thoughts, temptations, and deep emotional garbage. While the gospel of Mark does not discuss Jesus' temptations in the wilderness, Matthew and Luke do. Dealing with one's old emotional junk is hard work.
While in the wilderness, Jesus is tempted to use his gifts and power for fame, food, and riches. Many of our programs for happiness center around these issues: (i.e. If I only had a bigger house, if I only could get that next promotion, if I could only show my parents just how good I am, then I would be happy). There are so many thoughts that flow through our minds each day. They are like blips on a radar screen: "Gee, what a creep that neighbor of mine is!" "If she weren't married, then I could have her." "That quart of ice cream has been in the refrigerator for awhile...I think I will eat it before it gets freezer burn." These thoughts are in fact temptations that can destroy what is good in us and hurt others along the way. Thoughts that are thought about, can lead to cravings. Cravings that are allowed to linger can lead to passions. Passions that are expressed lead to actions. Bad thoughts create bad cravings create bad passions create bad actions. This destroys the character of the person and can corrupt and destroy other creatures of God. That is why it is important to be aware of our thoughts.
In the 4th Century, the well-known monk, John Cassian, left Romania and made his way into the Egyptian wilderness. There, along with other desert mothers and fathers, he undertook the spiritual discipline of mindful thinking. This is a method of seeking God by knowing and stabilizing one's thoughts in order to hear the small, still, voice of God, within. Some people can never hear the voice of God within because they have never stilled their mind. Their mind is often like a major switchboard at the phone company. Like Jesus who struggled in the wilderness with thoughts and feelings and vocation, John Cassian also struggled with thoughts of power, security, self-esteem, and bodily comforts. This is what he noticed and later wrote down.*
Since I have issues around food, I thought I would choose that topic to explore mindful thinking. I could have explored thoughts about other bodily cravings such as sex or desiring things, but what matters most for "beginners of mindful thinking" is the one about food. Two thirds of the adults in America are overweight. Many of our teens are anorexic or bulimic. Adult onset diabetes is epidemic, even affecting children under the age of 12.
Yesterday morning, while writing this sermon, I had a thought about going to the Donut Wheel and eating a jelly donut. After that initial thought, I began to think that I shouldn't have the donut because after all, here I am writing a sermon about resisting thoughts about food. The thought began to turn into a craving. I began to justify the craving by telling myself that I had already worked 2 hours on my sermon and that I only had a modest breakfast. It was too early for lunch and I needed a break. Besides, I hadn't had time to listen to the president's speech the night before and really needed to get the paper to read what was said. After all, how can I preach if I don't even know what is going on in the world? The Donut Wheel has free newspapers and I hadn't had a donut in a few weeks. The next thing I noticed was that I was making a bargain with myself. I would work another 1/2 hour on my sermon and then get the donut, thus proving that I am not totally controlled by my thoughts. At 10:30 a.m., I was at the Donut Wheel, eating a donut while reading about the president's desire to go to war with Iraq. My initial thought, led to a craving, and then to an action. This thought was ultimately harmful to me. A heavy load of fat and sugar disturbs my blood sugar level which eventually causes me to crave more food. What are we to do?
When it comes to compulsion about food, John Cassian suggests fasting. For John, fasting is not dieting or abstaining from food but being conscious about good eating. This is what he suggests:
"We do not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." Our bodies are totally out of whack. Most Americans no longer have the ability to discern when they are truly hungry because they eat all the time. Our stomachs have been stretched, our tastes have been refined, and our blood sugar and insulin responses are out of sync. I recently saw one of our children at St. Jude's coffee hour take four donuts and a double cup of hot chocolate. Either this child is not being fed at home, or she has lost her ability to discern how much food her body needs. Because of our addiction to food, we will suffer poor health, eat more than our share of available resources, and cloud our ability to hear God's voice.
"Almighty God, whose blessed Son was led by the Spirit to be tempted by Satan; Come quickly to help us who are assaulted by many temptations; and as you know the weaknesses of each of us, let each one find you mighty to save. (BCP 281)
* Thoughts Matter; Mary Funk, The Continuum Publishing Company, NY, NY 2002
| Updated 3/09/03 |
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