HEALING THE FALSE SELF

 

Goal: 

To uncover the "false self" which seeks out programs for happiness that never can deliver true happiness, ultimate truth, and union with God.

 

How: 

a) By understanding the development and actions of the false self.

b) Through the practice of contemplative prayer (i.e. inviting God's healing grace to heal the self by purging the unconscious of its historic emotions.)  c) Letting go of hurts through the process of forgiveness.

 

Process of Developing a "False Self"

1.       In the earlier stages of life, we have four needs that must be met:  Affection, security, power, self-esteem. If these needs are not met, a "frustrated" emotion is experienced.  These early experiences are recorded in the unconscious.

2.       This "fragile emotional life" develops compensory needs for the unmet instinctual needs (i.e. affection, security, power, self-esteem).  While early memories are not remembered, emotions are always remembered.

3.       These "remembered emotions" are repressed in the unconscious but actually take on a life of their own.  Energy centers begin to develop around these historic emotions.  These energy centers are able to control our future emotional responses to life situations, thoughts, and behavior.  These energy centers design "Programs for Happiness (PFH)" that attempt to satisfy the unmet need of the child.

4.       What originally started out as a "need" for the young child, graduated into a "demand" and then became a "should" (i.e. I am entitled to XYZ; poor me).  Thus as the age of reason comes about (10-11 years old), this ability to reason is co-opted by existing PFH.  We no longer are able to "reason" what true happiness is, but instead we are controlled by those PFH (i.e. the false self of raw emotions).

5.       These PFH become more complex as we get older.  If we felt powerless as a child, we will always have issues of power unless we are healed of the "historic emotions" of the past. (Extreme example:  Hitler was beaten most days of his life by his father.  He felt powerless.  This need for power became a central drive in his life. His misuse/seeking of power caused the death of about 30 million people.)

6.       The false self can be healed.  We can "grow up" and graduate from our childhood PFH.  Those energy centers need not control us.  We can change the direction in which we are looking for happiness.  This is called REPENTANCE.

                  

Opportunities for Healing:

Conscious Process

  • Regular psycho-therapy
  • Forgiveness
  • Love

Unconscious Process

  • Psychoanalysis
  • Contemplative Prayer
  • God's Grace

 

Contemplative Prayer

Contemplative Prayer is the opening of mind and heart - our whole being - to God, the Ultimate Mystery, beyond thoughts, words and emotions. We open our awareness to God whom we know by faith is within us, closer than breathing, closer than thinking, closer than choosing - closer than consciousness itself. Contemplative Prayer is a process of interior purification leading, if we consent, to divine union.

 

Other Spiritual Disciplines:

1. Meditation:  Listening to God's voice (i.e. "all ears") in order to inform oneself of the ethical dimensions of transformation (i.e. obedience to God).

2.  Prayer:  A lifelong, interactive conversation with God about what you and God are doing together.

6.  Solitude:  Creation of an open, empty space, where by we can be found by God.  It is a nourishing posture where insight, renewal, and strength become possible.

 

The Method of Centering Prayer

Centering Prayer is a method designed to facilitate the development of contemplative prayer by preparing our faculties to cooperate with this gift. It is an attempt to present the teaching of earlier time (e.g. The Cloud of Unknowing) in an updated form and to put a certain order and regularity into it. It is not meant to replace other kinds of prayer; it simply puts other kinds of prayer into a new and fuller perspective. During the time of prayer we consent to God's presence and action within. At other times our attention moves outward to discover God's presence everywhere.

 

The Guidelines

  • Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within.
  • Sitting comfortably and with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God's presence and action within.
  • When you become aware of thoughts, return ever-so-gently to the sacred word.
  • At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes.

 

Explanation of the Guidelines

"Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within."

  • The sacred word expresses our intention to be in God's presence and to yield to the divine action.
  • The sacred word should be chosen during a brief period of prayer asking the Holy Spirit to inspire us with one that is especially suitable for us.
  • Examples: Lord, Jesus, Abba, Father, Mother
  • Other possibilities: Love, Peace, Shalom, Amen, Holy, Jesu, Spirit, I rest in God, Kyrie, Peace.
  • Having chosen a sacred word, we do not change it during the prayer period, for that would be to start thinking again.
  • A simple inward gaze upon God may be more suitable for some persons than the sacred word. In this case, one consents to God's presence and action by turning inwardly toward God as if gazing upon him. The same guidelines apply to the sacred gaze as to the sacred word.

 

"Sitting comfortably and with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God's presence and action within."

  • By "sitting comfortably" is meant relatively comfortably; not so comfortably that we encourage sleep, but sitting comfortably enough to avoid thinking about the discomfort of our bodies during this time of prayer.
  • Whatever sitting position we choose, we keep the back straight.
  • If we fall asleep, we continue the prayer for a few minutes upon awakening if we can spare the time.
  • Praying in this way after a main meal encourages drowsiness. Better to wait an hour at least before Centering Prayer. Praying in this way just before retiring may disturb one's sleep pattern.
  • We close our eyes to let go of what is going on around and within us.
  • We introduce the sacred word inwardly and as gently as laying a feather on a piece of absorbent cotton.

 

"When you become aware of thoughts, return ever-so-gently to the sacred word."

  • "Thoughts" is an umbrella term for every perception including sense perceptions, feelings, images, memories, reflections, and commentaries.
  • Thoughts are a normal part of Centering Prayer.
  • By "returning ever-so-gently to the sacred word", a minimum of effort is indicated. This is the only activity we initiate during the time of Centering Prayer.
  • During the course of our prayer, the sacred word may become vague or even disappear.

 

"At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes."

  • If this prayer is done in a group, the leader may slowly recite the Our Father during the additional 2 or 3 minutes, while the others listen.
  • The additional 2 or 3 minutes give the psyche time to readjust to the external senses and enable us to bring the atmosphere of silence into daily life.

           

Some Practical Points

  • The minimum time for this prayer is 20 minutes. Two periods are recommended each day, one first thing in the morning, and one in the afternoon or early evening.
  • The end of the prayer period can be indicated by a timer, providing it does not have an audible tick or loud sound when it goes off
  • The principal effects of Centering Prayer are experienced in daily life, not in the period of Centering Prayer itself.

 

Physical Symptoms:

  • We may notice slight pains, itches, or twitches in various parts of the body or a generalized restlessness. These are usually due to the untying of emotional knots in the body.
  • We may also notice heaviness or lightness in the extremities. This is usually due to a deep level of spiritual attentiveness.
  • In either case, we pay no attention, or we allow the mind to rest briefly in the sensation, and then return to the sacred word.
  • Lectio Divina provides the conceptual background for the development of Centering Prayer.
  • A support group praying and sharing together once a week helps maintain one's commitment to the prayer.

 

Extending the Effects of Centering Prayer into Daily Life

  • Practice 2 periods of Centering Prayer daily.
  • Read Scriptures regularly and study Open Mind, Open Heart.
  • Practice one or two of the specific methods for everyday, suggested in Open Mind, Open Heart, chapter 12.
  • Join a Centering Prayer Support Group or Follow-up Program (if available in your area.)
  • It encourages the members of the group to persevere in private.
  • It provides an opportunity for further input on a regular basis through tapes, readings, and discussion.

 

Points for Further Development

  • During the prayer period various kinds of thoughts may be distinguished. (cf. Open Mind, Open Heart, chapters 6 through 10):
  • Ordinary wanderings of the imagination or memory.
  • Thoughts that give rise to attractions or aversions.
  • Insights and psychological breakthroughs.
  • Self-reflections such as, "How am I doing?" or, "This peace is just great!"
  • Thoughts that arise from the unloading of the unconscious.

 

During this prayer, we avoid analyzing our experience, harboring expectations or aiming at some specific goal such as:

  • Repeating the sacred word continuously
  • Making the mind a blank.
  • Achieving a spiritual experience.
  • Having no thoughts.
  • Feeling peaceful or consoled.

 

What Centering Prayer is not:

  • It is not a technique.
  • It is not a form of self-hypnosis.
  • It is not a para-psychological phenomenon.
  • It is not a relaxation exercise.
  • It is not a charismatic gift.
  • It is not limited to the "felt" presence of God.
  • It is not discursive meditation or affective prayer.

 

©  St. Benedict's Monastery, Snowmass, Colorado